Many of us have had the experience of putting a real relationship on hold for a trip, a vacation – where “we really got to know each other” – only to be met with a complete fiasco!
After a more active period, and perhaps young people to focus on, the upcoming vacation may be something you are looking forward to after a COVID-19 period that can put a strain on a relationship, hoping to regain a purposeful, fulfilling sense of connection, presence, and distance.
However, you may find that things don’t turn out quite as you’d hoped: communication ends in arguments or icy silences, intimacy and presence disappear?
What is the reason for this?
For a partnership to have distance, presence, and good communication, it is important to take care of it constantly. If you do not take care of your partnership, you cannot expect to have good communication. For example, it is very important to keep resolving the conflicts that keep coming up in your partnership.
Conflict is an opportunity for development
Conflicts are special opportunities for strengthening the relationship and getting to know each other better, for clarifying the situation, developing space for distance and stimulation.
Conflict is a clash of interests. This necessarily means that each party has something important they want to express and wants the other party to pay attention and recognize its importance. If one party is not listened to in this process, vulnerability, anger, and aggression builds up, leading to less desire to pay attention to the other party in the next exact same conflict and less desire to try to understand the importance the other party claims because you yourself are not understood.
There are several ways to resolve unresolved issues that are not actually resolved, such as: arguing with each other, various forms of retaliation, turning your back on each other —— also in bed, boredom, persistent irritability, being overly preoccupied with work, screens, etc.
Problems don’t go away on their own …… And, if left unresolved, frustration grows on both sides and arguments become more and more annoying.
Expectations of escape are high – that’s where every little thing comes in handy! So what happens?
When the hustle and bustle of everyday life disappears, when you can’t help gazing into each other’s eyes, all those quarrels that were actually rubbing each other the wrong way re-emerge. Add to that the fact that the escape was made with high hopes that all the unpleasant feelings would unexpectedly disappear on their own, that you would stay in a vacation paradise, that you would enjoy bright days and nights and charming dinners under comfortable summer skies – and as a result, it all becomes revolting.Now there’s a question of resolving the contradictions – they’re just too much for the person.
It’s always easier to resolve arguments in the moment before they become serious.
Human interaction is the spice of life.
Arguments are an opportunity to revitalize a relationship.
Resolving differences often brings new passion and joy to each other.
Couples therapy (parterapi København) is another option for obtaining a method of communication in which both partners express their feelings and remain attentive to each other.
